Both leading up to and in the wake of the approval of the North Carolina amendment banning same-sex “marriage,” I've seen any number of posts on Facebook calling on Christians to be "real Christians" and live and let live, stop discriminating, etc. I want to address two main points concerning this type of argument to show how for a Christian to endorse the homosexual lifestyle would actually be to "live and let die" rather than "live and let live." The first is to give a simple explanation of what the Catholic Church actually teaches on homosexuality, and the second is to take a quick look at what it actually means to ask Christians to accept and support the homosexual lifestyle.
This is not an argument for the Catholic Church's position on homosexuality and same-sex "marriage." That is a much longer conversation which I am willing to have with anyone who is interested, but it is not my purpose here.
Let me say first that I have several friends and family members who have identified themselves as homosexuals, and I love you each oh-so-dearly. I'm making every attempt to say this in a way that will not be offensive to you. I am not judging you. In fact, although the Church makes definitive judgments about the morality of certain acts, the Church also prohibits me (or anyone else, from the Pope on down) from making a particular judgment about the state of your soul (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1861). I just want to say something about what the Catholic Church teaches about the homosexual lifestyle. Maybe you've heard this before, but if not then I'm sorry it has taken this long for someone to tell you!
In a sense, the call for Christians to “live and let live”—insofar as it means to treat others with respect and dignity—is valid. The Catholic Church calls us to love every human being, whether we agree with them or not. In fact, the Catechism of the Catholic Church states that, "The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. ... They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition" (CCC 2358, emphasis mine). So acting on homosexual tendencies is a sin, but failing to treat homosexuals with love and respect is also a sin.
The confusing part for so many people is that there is a difference between loving and respecting a person who thinks differently and ignoring or discounting that difference in belief altogether. The Church calls us to love and respect one another, but at the same time not to ignore what Scripture and Tradition teach about marriage. Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean endorsing their lifestyle. In fact, when you see that someone you love is acting in a dangerous or self-destructive manner, you won't encourage that behavior! The Church loves her children, and so does not want them to remain in the self-destructive pattern of sin--she will not simply sit back and live and let die!
Believe it or not, the Church doesn't endorse the homosexual lifestyle (and cannot support same-sex "marriage") because the Church wants everyone to be really, truly happy. This may sound bizarre, but it's true. To put it simply (I hope), the Church believes that God created the human person with a specific end in mind--to find our ultimate happiness and fulfillment in Him (CCC 1). All the "rules and regulations" of Catholicism aren't there to control or limit us--they are more like a user guide to the human person. The user guide for my new laptop battery tells me not to drive a nail through the battery--not because the people at Toshiba are mean and power-hungry, but because they want my laptop battery to function correctly and not explode (or whatever it would do if I hammered a nail through it... anyone know?).
In the same way, the Church tells us--based on God's revelation through Scripture and Tradition--that there are certain correct "operating conditions" for sex--among them that it must be within a marriage between one man and one woman, and that it must be open to bringing forth new life. Not because the Church hates homosexuals or polygamists or people using contraception, but because--according to the world-view which is inherent to the Catholic Church's identity--sex outside of these correct "operating conditions" is intrinsically damaging to the persons involved. This is why living a homosexual lifestyle is (and always has been, see Leviticus 18:22 and Romans 1:26-28, for example) considered a sin (a "rejection of God and opposition to him," CCC 386)--it is a rejection of God's "operating instructions" for human sexuality. (It’s also important to note, however, that just as experiencing the temptation to any other sin is not itself sinful, so also experiencing homosexual tendencies is not sinful if they are not embraced or acted upon.)
Now remember, this is not an argument for whether the Church is right or wrong. This is also not a comprehensive examination of the Church's teachings on the human person, human sexuality, and marriage. But when you boil it down, the Church teaches (and always has taught) that God created man. He created man to be happy. Man can only be happy by attaining the goal for which he was created. A homosexual (or promiscuous, or contraceptive) lifestyle works against the goal for which man was created. Therefore, regardless of the emotions in the moment, man cannot ultimately be happy in that kind of lifestyle.
You might disagree with the Church's teachings on homosexuality, and that's fine. You're welcome to disagree. But hopefully this helps you know more accurately with what exactly it is you're disagreeing. The Catholic Church neither promotes nor condones hateful words or actions toward anyone, including homosexuals. The Catholic Church calls for an attitude of love, respect, and compassion toward those who experience homosexual tendencies, regardless of whether or not they act on them. The Catholic Church recognizes that it can be a huge burden to have homosexual tendencies and chose to live in accordance with Church teaching--and yet she still calls people to this life out of a sincere desire for their well-being and happiness.
I know that a lot of Christians fail miserably at loving and respecting those living a homosexual lifestyle. Some of you reading may have experienced this firsthand-- I hope I've never been the source, but I want to apologize if I have, and also on behalf of all those who have failed you. But while you have every right to demand that Christians treat you with the dignity that you fully deserve—please understand that asking Christians to endorse same-sex "marriage" is essentially asking us to change what we believe about 'life, the universe, and everything' (to steal a phrase from Douglas Adams). Literally. If marriage doesn't have to be between one man and one woman, then 2000 years of Christian Tradition are wrong. Scripture isn't really inspired by God and inerrant. The Catholic Church isn't who she says she is. Being Christian doesn't really mean what we've always said it means.
You might agree with all of those statements--and you're welcome to try to convince me of them. Know the Church's position, argue against it logically, and let's have a discussion! But please, don't expect me to buy the line that “real Christians will support homosexuals in their lifestyle because it's the loving thing to do.” Whether you believe that the Catholic Church receives her identity directly from God or not, at the very least she has the right to define her own identity. The Catholic Church has defined what it means to be truly Catholic, and that includes adhering to a worldview in which marriage cannot be other than between one man and one woman. Those who are demanding that Christians support same-sex "marriage" should at least acknowledge that they are asking Christians to redefine what it means to be Christian.
Because if we truly believe what the Church teaches about 'life, the universe, and eveything,' then we as Christians are failing miserably if we do not share that message (always with love--no matter how tempting it is to beat someone over the head with it). We say we believe that we know the Way, the Truth, and the Life--the key to ultimate happiness. We also say we are called to love everyone. So if I believe I have the key to ultimate happiness, and I say that I love you, and yet when I see you living in a way contrary to what I firmly believe to be your best interests and I say nothing (or worse, I encourage you in that behavior)--I am a complete hypocrite. This is no excuse for sharing the truth without love (or misrepresenting the truth, such as claiming to know that all homosexuals or any other specific person/group is going to hell). It is simply an explanation of why I, as a Christian, cannot stand by and live and let die. From the Christian worldview, there is no "live and let live" option in this sense.
For the Church, this actually isn't an issue of "letting" same-sex couples get married. It's simply a matter of what marriage actually is or is not. The Church is neither the author nor the editor of marriage--therefore the Church has no authority to redefine marriage to mean something other than what God has defined it as: a permanent union between one man and one woman.
I welcome your input--but please keep all comments civil!
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