Daybook

Just popping in to say a quick hi and breaking all the blogger rules--no explanations, no promises, no pictures. Are there blogger rules? Like, you have to explain if you come back after a long/unexpected absence, and you have to set goals and tell the whole internet about them to keep you accountable (then offer more explanations when you fail to meet those goals anyway), and always post pictures because posts without pictures are boring and un-pinnable. Is "pinnable" a word? "Pinable"? There's another rule to break...

Whatevs. (And that IS apparently a word because "the computer guys" didn't put a squiggly red line under it, as Michael would say...)

I've missed blogging, but I didn't feel like I had much to say. Especially not after pushing through a rough couple of weeks to meet a deadline at the end of August, recovering for a month, then surviving (mostly, I'm not quite done) another crazy two weeks for the next project. Maybe I'll do a post about all those projects... next year...

But I was inspired and motivated by Bobby's  Weekly Writing in October link-up, especially when she suggested that if we needed something to get us started we could just go with a daybook kind of post. I can do that! I think I can I think I can I think I can... Chug chug chug, puff puff puff puff...

What, you don't randomly start reciting children's books in the middle of conversation?

So, with no further ado, currently I am:

reading
The Anne books, for the zillionth time. I'm on Anne of the Island and almost cried last night when Anne refused Gilbert's proposal. These are books that truly get better every single time, and I just have to read them in autumn. (Michael would tell me I don't "have to," I just really want to. He told me that the other day when I needed coffee. Good gracious.)

Also trying to read Augustine's Confessions. Because I'm ashamed I've never read the whole thing, and every time I read a passage from it for something else it is so beautiful and moving. I'm thinking this is one area where it's not really the thought that counts...

praying
This prayer from St. Augustine:

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy. 

Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy. 

Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy. 

Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy. 

Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. 

Amen.

And Psalm 131:

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up,

my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things

too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,

like a child quieted at its mother's breast;

like a child that is quieted is my soul.

O Israel, hope in the Lord

from this time forth and for evermore.

I just "discovered" this psalm and I am totally taken with it. Maybe because I feel like I'm almost never quieted and I am usually occupied with things too great (or at least too much!) for me.

listening

For Colette to wake up. Because teething. Ugh.

around the house

My parents moved in last week! Yes, moved in to stay. No, they're not in poor health (thanks be to God). Yes, we actually just all wanted to live in the same house. There's more to it than that--but it deserves its own post. You know, next year.

We put a lot of (pretty minor but very time consuming) work into the house and yard this summer getting ready for a refinance. And it totally paid off (hahaha, I'm so exhausted look how funny I am). But there's a lot more to do, starting with redoing the retaining wall along the garden/weed bed in front of the house--because the current wall is not doing a particularly good job at retaining and consequently the porch is sinking and starting to pull away from the house. No bueno. So that's next on the list, along with finishing (because planning totally means we've started, right?) the necessary remodeling to turn the basement into a bedroom and living room instead of one giant toy room.

watching

NCIS with Alex. We're almost caught up on Netflix (we took a semi-unintentional hiatus a couple years ago and fell off the wagon). This is some serious relationship-building stuff for us, because if it weren't for NCIS we would probably never have gotten married. Also deserving of its own post--I don't think I've ever told the story here. Man, these daybook things are fantastic for generating post ideas! But remember, no promises.

enjoying

October. It's my favorite. 

Watching Colette's personality and sense of humor continue to emerge. When she's really tired but happy she does this thing where she just shakes here back and forth until she starts leaning and wobbling all over the place. It's hilarious--until she smacks you in the nose with the back of her head.

Watching Michael learn and grow this past month of homeschooling. I love his curiosity (mostly), and watching his mind work is just a delight (mostly).

Listening to John Paul talk--he sounds so much older than 2 1/2. Last Thursday was a really rough morning, and at one point I had gathered all of the kids around me to try to hug all of them at once after having yelled at all of them for--I can't even remember. So rough. But I was crying and apologizing for yelling, and JP just looked at me and said "Is okay Mama. No woozles." Because apparently he thought I was crying because I was scared of the woozles.

Seeing Liam transition from toddler to big boy. He's almost four, so I guess he hasn't really been a toddler for almost a year. But suddenly he's seeming so old. He can be so sweet and so thoughtful, and also so mischievous and so creative. And his delight when he answers a question or sounds out a phonics exercise is the sweetest.

Dabbling in genealogy. So far I've traced ancestors back to Scotland in the early 1700s, Cape May, NJ in the early 1700s, and France and Switzerland in the early 1800s. And I'm pretty sure there's a direct line to William the Conqueror, because I remember reading some of the documents one of my uncles put together when I was in high school and then trying to impress some history-nerd friends with it. If I remember correctly they failed to be properly awed by my distinguished lineage.

And with that, I should probably do the dishes and fold some laundry* before bed. I mean, before Colette needs her 9pm snack, to be followed by her 10pm snack, to be followed by her 3am snack, to be followed by her 5am rise-and-shine routine. Or at least that's how it went last night...

*In the interest of full disclosure, I refused Alex's offer to clean the kitchen and won't let him help me fold the laundry, because those chores are my chance to watch Netflix and as long as there isn't an imminent deadline I would generally rather do them myself. They're almost as much of a luxury as a chore, however bizarre that may be.

Check out the other weekly writings at Revolution of Love, and I'll try to be back here before next Saturday--maybe even with pictures! (Oh wait, no promises!)

{p,h,f,r} A Taste of Contentment on the Threshold of Autumn

The other day I was... something. I don't remember exactly--frustrated, anxious, upset, disappointed, just plain tired. Probably all of the above. And I thought to myself, "I need more contentment in my life."

Almost as soon as that thought entered my mind I realized it was kind of ridiculous. I don't need more contentment, I just need to pay attention to what I already have. And you know what? It's working! When I start to feel frustrated and disappointed that my back and our budget and the sheer business of three such little boys kept us from accomplishing much (compared to our totally unrealistic dreams) in the yard this summer, I stop and focus on the things I love about our yard. There's a lot to love out there!

Same with the state of my house. When all I'm seeing is the dust and the pretzel crumbs and the toys everywhere, I focus on being thankful that we have so much space in which to gather dust and crumbs and ohsomany toys (and then I try to find a minute to grab the vacuum and make a mental note to get rid of some of those toys). 

Baby steps. I'm not very good at baby steps, but goodness knows I don't have the mental or emotional capacity for a complete attitude overhaul all at once (who can even do that, anyway?).

So to help I decided to (finally) link up with Like Mother, Like Daughter for {pretty, happy, funny, real}. Capturing contentment, right here at Crane Corner. Okay, less alliteration, more pictures.

{pretty}

So, that yard that hasn't been transformed into the perfectly manicured little retreat yet? Well, it still had a few very happy surprises for me as the summer winds down. I scattered many packets of wildflower seeds around the grotto in the spring, and some of them are finally blooming.

{happy}

I am so happy that it is (almost) fall. I love fall. But for some reason this season, more than any other, brings on an intense nostalgia. And it's usually an "I wish I were..." nostalgia, and not a "wasn't that nice" nostalgia, if that makes any sense. As much as I love fall, it can bring an added challenge to contentment. Oh hooray, another chance to grow in holiness (only sort of sarcastic).

{funny}

"Mama, look, I'm a robot!"

{real}

There has been a lot of this going on at our house lately (that would be Thomas on the laptop screen there). Usually it's Little Pim or Magic School Bus (60% of our preschool "curriculum" for the year, only sort of joking). Sometimes it's Thomas or Mighty Machines (and then oh! the excitement!).

Last week I got a very unexpected but very welcome and exciting writing project. It also ended up being much more challenging than I expected, and hugely time-consuming. Thus the extra screen time. And there will be more tomorrow, because I'm behind on the second part of the project.

Quick, before it's too late...

Winter is rolling down from the mountains.  According to the local news, we hit a high of 54 (pretty typical for the gorgeous fall with which we've been spoiled) around 11:30, and the temperature has been plummeting ever since.  Depending on whom you ask, we're expecting anywhere from 3 to 24 inches of snow in the next 24 hours.  In addition to that, we're looking for highs (yes, highs) in the low teens through the weekend.  I'm chilled just thinking about it.

So, before winter descends in all its frigidness (frigidity?), here are some last glimpses of our glorious fall.

I don't think Michael is ever happier than when he is "helping" Daddy around the house or yard--be it mowing the lawn, hammering nails, raking leaves, grilling dinner, etc.

The Fall Revisited

Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his Creator die in his heart and, abusing his freedom, disobeyed God's command. This is what man's first sin consisted of. All subsequent sin would be disobedience toward God and lack of trust in his goodness. Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 397

Let's start with the background. God has created the universe and everything in it ex nihilo (out of nothing), and has pronounced it good - including snakes (Genesis 1:1-25). As the crown of His creation He forms man - male and female - in His own image and likeness and breaths His very life into him (Gen. 1:26-27, 2:7). The man and the woman are given dominion over all creation and placed in the garden of Eden. God gives Adam a command to "till and keep" the garden (Gen. 2:15). This is not merely an instruction to be a good steward of the land - this is a priestly commission. The Hebrew words used here are 'abodah (till) and shamar (keep or, more literally, guard). The only other time these words are used together in the Pentateuch they refer to the priestly duties of the Levites in Israel.

So God has given Adam the task of tilling and guarding the garden. Tilling makes sense - a garden needs to be taken care of. But guarding? To be told to guard this place means that there is something from which it needs to be guarded - something which might try to get into the garden.

That "something" is called in Genesis 3 nahash, a Hebrew word which is translated here as serpent. We often have the image - in fact we are given the image in children's Bibles or storybooks - of a medium-sized snake wrapped around a tree talking to Eve. But nahash in Isaiah 27:1 refers to a dragon and in Job 26:13 a sea monster. So this word carries with it the connotation of something dreadful and deadly.

This deadly nahash gets into the garden. What happened to Adam's job to shamar the garden? The serpent was never supposed to be in the garden in the first place. But once there he confronts Eve:

"Did God say, 'You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'? And the woman said to the serpent, 'We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden; but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in th emidst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'' But the serpent said to the woman, 'You will not die.'" (Gen. 3:1).

And where is Adam? Right next to Eve. The serpent uses the second person plural while he is talking to Eve, which we lose in our English translation ("y'all" just doesn't look right in Genesis).

Satan refers to God as Elohim - Master. In the previous chapter as we read about God creating and blessing man He is called Yahweh Elohim - a personal, intimate God. To illustrate the difference in naming God another way it could be compared to the difference between Abba (Daddy) and Allah (Master). Both are true, but Master is a lesser title than Father. Satan is driving a wedge between God's love and His law.

Let's look at that law:

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "You may freely eat of every tree of the garden; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die." Gen. 2:16-17

At first glance this may seem somewhat arbitrary of God - give Adam everything except this one tree over here and kill him if he eats of it? Why have the deadly tree at all? Is God just testing Adam to see if he will behave?

Yes and no.

God is good. He does not make laws arbitrarily or whimsically, He makes them for our good and ultimately our happiness (think user's manual rather than rulebook). We see from the creation narrative before and the gift of Eve after that God obviously has Adam's best interests at heart. He is a loving Father and we must look at His law in light of His nature. It wasn't so much a test as an opportunity.

Adam and Eve (and each one of us) were created in the "image, after [the] likeness" of God (Gen. 1:26). In this verse God uses the first person plural: "Let us create man in our image..." This language implies the Trinity, meaning we are created in the image not of some vague idea of God, and not only in the sense that we can know and love, but in the very image of the Trinity. God is love, and the Trinity is that mysterious (beyond the power of our reason, not against reason) inner life of God, the Father giving Himself eternally in love to the Son, the Son giving Himself eternally back to the Father, and the Spirit that living bond of love between Father and Son. We are created for exactly this kind of love - an ultimate gift of self. As finite humans this love manifests in our lives as sacrifice. Adam is created to offer himself in sacrifice, and this is his opportunity. With no law, there can be no obedience (C.S. Lewis explores this beautifully - if verbosely - in Perelandra). God gave a law, asking Adam to give up one good for the sake of a greater good, thereby fully becoming who he was created to be. Without sacrifical love man cannot fully enter into the relationship with God - that inner life of the Trinity - for which he was created. By denying that opportunity, breaking that law, Adam and Eve do indeed die.

The Hebrew language doesn't have superlatives - it uses repetition to denote comparison (i.e. tall tall for taller, holy holy holy for holiest). The Hebrew phrase at the end of Gen. 2:17 might be literally translated "you shall die die." How can there be a death beyond death? The ancient rabbis took this to mean a death of the soul, something worse than physical death. So in a way, the serpent got it right - Adam and Eve ate the fruit, and they didn't die an immediate, physical death (which one might assume the deadly nahash was implying they would die, if they didn't cooperate). Instead they died a spiritual death, being separated from God by their rejection of Him and His law.

So Adam and Eve messed up. Got it. But what's with original sin - why do I get punished for their mistake? I didn't eat the forbidden fruit (by the way, nowhere in Genesis is it referred to as "an apple") - it wasn't my sin.

The Catholic Church teaches that "original sin" is called sin only as an analogy. It is not the guilt of a personal sin which we inherit, but the result of that sin. Before the Fall Adam and Eve enjoyed the gifts of original holiness and original justice. Original holiness refers to a share in God's life and original justice refers to three things: harmony with oneself (seeing the truth clearly, passions and emotions subject to the will subject to the intellect, etc.), harmony between man and woman, and harmony between man and all of creation. Before the fall, man was in right relationship with his Creator, himself, his neighbor, and all of creation. The Fall destroyed these relationships. As indicated by the very name we give this event, human nature had fallen. Adam and Eve as parents were only able to pass on what they had, therefore their children (we) inherited a fallen nature. Original sin refers to this inheritance deprived of original holiness and justice.

So original sin is not all of humankind being punished for the sin of Adam. It is a deprivation of gifts which he was unable to pass on because he lost them.

That was a whole lot longer than I meant it to be... and there is still so much more that I could be said that didn't seem to fit in :) Much inspiration and insight from Dr. Scott Hahn's First Comes Love.

My heart overflows with a goodly theme; I address my verses to the king; my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe. Psalm 45:1

in Christ,
~ash