τι εμοι και σοι;

One of my students had a question about the meaning of the Greek phrase τι εμοι και σοι; (ti emoi kai soi), which is Jesus’s response to Mary at the wedding feast in Cana in John 2:4. This exchange between Jesus and Mary seems to be widely misunderstood, and I thought I would post my explanation here as well. 

The phrase can be literally translated as "What is this to me and to you?" or "What is this between you and me?" The RSV's "What have you to do with me?" is, in my opinion, very misleading and contributes to the common misinterpretation that Jesus is rebuking Mary for her request (as a new mother myself, I can just imagine what my response would be if Michael were to ever say "What have you to do with me?" - “What have I to do with you?! Oh, nothing much. Just nine months of carrying you in my womb, not to mention the last 10 days past your due date, and then 17 some hours of labor, and over four months of intense sleep deprivation… constantly being on hand to feed you, hold, you change you… THAT is what I have to do with you”!). The NAB's "How does your concern affect me?" is not much better in helping to shed light on this passage. 

There are several potential layers of meaning in this statement. The basic, literal sense is that this statement actually shows great deference on the part of Jesus. This same phase is used by demons when Jesus addresses them, showing their acknowledgement of his authority and their compliance (e.g., Lk 4:34, 8:28). 

It is also likely that it indicates some difference in understanding of the situation - Jesus may be using this question to indicate to his mother that they understand the significance of the wine differently. Mary sees the potential for embarrassment and dishonor for the couple due to the wine failing; Jesus sees the reality that Israel is waiting for the coming of the Messiah which is associated with an abundance of wine in several Old Testament passages (e.g., Amos 9:13, Joel 3:18). 

Another layer has to do with the second part of Jesus' response: "My hour has not yet come." In John's gospel the "hour" always refers to Jesus' passion and resurrection. Certainly John's placement of this miracle of water and wine at the beginning of Jesus' ministry parallels the miracle of the wine and blood at the end - and Jesus' statement may be a foreshadowing of the latter, indicating to his mother that it is not yet time for that greater miracle. At the same time he may be telling her that if he performs this miracle it will mark the beginning of his journey to that "hour." In this case Mary's response (which indicates full trust that he will perform the miracle) signals her willing participation in God's plan - the mother giving up her son to God's will.

The interpretation proposed by my student - "Why is this our business?" - fits as well. Of course Jesus knows that it is a very serious problem for the couple to run out of wine (much more serious than my husband and I running out of wedding cake at our reception) and he knows why his mother is bringing this to his attention. But we see throughout the gospels that Jesus often waits to be asked before performing a miracle. Of course the blind want to see - but Jesus asks "What do you want me to do for you?" before healing them (Matthew 20:29-34). This is an excellent interpretation of the moral sense of this passage - Jesus does not provide more wine until his mother intercedes for the couple. 

None of these are mutually exclusive, so all these layers can enrich our understanding of the passage (although they are hotly contested by many scholars - but then again, what isn't?). The one line of interpretation that is clearly wrong is the one which sees in Jesus' response to Mary either disrespect (a modern understanding of what he means when he calls her "woman") or an outright rebuke (which seems to follow from the English translation of the idiom). Clearly Jesus, being like us in all things but sin (cf. Heb 4:15), would have perfectly obeyed the commandment to honor his father and mother (Ex 20:12) – so any interpretation that involves disrespect is problematic. Furthermore, if Jesus were rebuking Mary she obviously missed the point – she ignores the so-called rebuke and tells the servants to listen to Jesus. Then Jesus apparently repents of his harsh response to his mother and does what she asked after all. Possible? Maybe. Plausible? Not so much. The story ends with Jesus and his mother leaving together – no mention is made of any tension or conflict (Jn 2:12). Other rebukes in John’s gospel are very clear, and they are never “resolved” with Jesus and the person he rebuked leaving the scene together. Thus it is clear that Jesus’ response to his mother is something other than a rebuke – however it may sound when translated into English.