Living like I used to dream...

I've been meaning to write this post for over seven months now... I feel like if I don't get it out now I'll never get around to it.  Goodbye, perfectionism.

"Don't Get Comfortable" by Brandon Heath was one of my favorite songs my last couple semesters of college.  My favorite line is, "I am gonna show you what I mean, I am gonna love like you've never seen, you are gonna live like you used to dream, this is your new song."

This was my theme song.  For a good chunk of my senior year of college I knew that I would be moving to Sydney (yes, Australia) after graduation to get my PhD in neuropsychology.  I spent my spring break that year in Sydney visiting a couple schools and scoping out my future life.  I was so sure about this next step that I only applied to my top school.  Backup plan?  Who needs a backup plan?  I had the whole thing planned out, down to what I would post as my Facebook status announcing that I had been accepted to the school and would be moving to Australia: "Ashley is about to live like she used to dream."  Yep--we're talking waaaay back in the day when you had to write your Facebook status in the third person unless you wanted it to just look dumb.

And then my application was rejected.  When I got the rejection letter in the mail I immediately went out and bought an international calling card so I could call the admissions office to see if there had been some mistake.  They said I didn't have enough research experience to be considered for the program.  It sounded like some information might have gotten lost in the translation from American to Australian, because I was pretty sure my semester spent on one research project should be enough to get me in the door.  I said I would send more information, and they said they would take another look when they received it.

A couple weeks later I got another letter.  Nope, still not accepted.

Fast forward a couple months, and I'm planning on moving to Denver to study for my MA in Scripture.  A bit of a paradigm shift, but I had nothing better to do (seriously, that was how I felt about it).  I was excited about the program (learning Greek!!!), but I wasn't sure I was going to like Denver.  I mean, it's not Sydney.  So how could I ever really like it?

Fast forward to the end of my first semester.  I'm ready to move back to Nebraska and finish my degree via distance education.  But I guess I'll finish out this first year.

Fast forward to the end of January.  Some girls I'm in Bible study with are headed out to an Irish pub for some live music with friends from high school/college and invite me to join them.

Fast forward to the next January.  I marry the guy I met in that pub.

Fast forward to the next January.  We have a baby.  Etc.

Fast forward to now.  It sure doesn't look like what I was dreaming about my senior year of college.  Heck, it doesn't look too much like what I dreamed about ever.  I always wanted to get married and have a family.  But I never spent my time dreaming about that year and a half we would live with my husband's parents while dealing with a schizophrenic housing market.  I never dreamed about those last, awful, stubborn 15 pounds of baby weight that just wouldn't come off, even after all most nine months, dang it!  I never dreamed I would have two babies who needed me so desperately multiple times a night every night for months and months.  I dreamed about the beauty and joy of marriage and children--I didn't spend much time dreaming about the pain and the sacrifice and the dying-to-self bits.

But you know what?  I am living like I used to dream--I just didn't know how to dream big enough.  Good thing God doesn't limit us to our own dreams.  Good thing He dreams so much bigger for me than I can dream for myself.  Good thing He didn't give me what my poor little misguided 22 year old heart desired.  Thank you God for unanswered prayers (but not the ones I'm praying right now, because clearly I know better now... right?).

And all the joy and beauty that I did dream about doesn't even begin to compare to the real thing.

So I'll keep dreaming.  And I'll keep praying that God teaches me how to dream.  Because nothing brings more peace in the end than allowing God to conform the desires of my heart to his (but ohmygoodness is it a painful process sometimes).

There, that wasn't so hard.

Family photo out takes

Kinda scraping the bottom here on day 6 of the 7 day challenge... but here you go!


While we were in the beautiful Black Hills we took advantage of the scenery (and Grandpa and his camera) to get an updated family picture.

Somehow I didn't realize it until I saw all three boys smiling in these pictures, but both boys have their daddy's smile.  The way their smiles reach all the way to their eyes is my favorite.  Ever.

So we got a couple great family shots.  We also got some very special treasures, which I thought I'd share with you all tonight.  Enjoy!

Michael's not quite on board with the smiling thing yet...

I know it looks like he's about to punch his brother and I'm blocking him and Alex is scolding him, but that's not what was happening.  I don't think...

Michael hamming it up and Liam done focusing... there were quite a few pictures like this.

I love Liam's expression here.  The shots where he's looking at the camera and smiling are few and far between from this session, but these out takes are priceless in my opinion.

Mr. Michael McMischief Pants

This one wins the prize in my book!

7 Quick Takes (vol. 32)

--- 1 ---

These may be the quickest quick takes ever, because I am exhausted.  Seriously, completely, worn out exhausted.  And while I have been thoroughly enjoying Jen's seven day blogging challenge, it generally means that after tucking Michael in I force myself over to the computer to write that post I've been thinking about all day but never got around to, when usually I would just put it off till tomorrow and be that much closer to going to bed.

--- 2 ---

I don't know why I'm so very tired.  Somehow the obvious reasons of two busy little boys (one of whom is still waking multiple times per night), a part time job heading into the busiest/most stressful week of the semester, and the emotional drain of disappointment and continued house hunting just don't seem sufficient to explain it all.  I don't know... I guess I want a reason I can fix to make at least some of the tiredness go away.

--- 3 ---

But, speaking of houses... drum roll please...

We are under contract for another house.  I know, it should be an exclamation point.  It is, sometimes.  I go back and forth between thinking something will obviously go wrong with this one as well and being so excited that in less than a month we'll finally be moving into our house.  We have our inspection on Wednesday and are praying praying praying that there is nothing expensive wrong with it (and that if there is the sellers will be willing to take it into consideration and renegotiate the price).

--- 4 ---

I suppose something else I could fix would be my own bedtime (but that's way too obvious).  The last few nights I've stayed up far later than I intended to playing Doors & Rooms with Alex on his iPad.  It's a ridiculously addicting puzzle game where you have to find and solve all the clues in a room to move on to the next level.  Hello, time sink.

--- 5 ---

I mentioned last week that Liam has been loving to feed himself.  New favorites within the past week include: cheese, scrambled egg, blueberries, and peas.  He has also been devouring yogurt mixed with applesauce, cinnamon, and chia seeds.  It is so much fun to watch him enjoy food so much!

--- 6 ---

M mowing the "yawn" with Daddy this morning

--- 7 ---

When I posted about all the hilarious things Michael has been saying recently I forgot to include my favorite: "Mama, need nunnles!" (snuggles)  I love Mitenal nunnles, and I love when he comes up and asks for them.

And now it's time for some nunnles with my pillow (ignoring the siren call of the puzzle games...)

Go see Jen and the rest for more Quick Takes!  
Happy Friday :)

Mystery Ingredient Monday on a Thursday with a Theme... aka Deliciousness

Okay... are you ready for this?

So today's Theme Thursday is askew.  And I was wondering... how do I take a picture of my entire life right now?  'Cause I kind of feel like it's all askew.  But figuring out a single picture which would cleverly portray the ways in which I feel my like is a bit askew was taking too much time and effort, due in large part to aforementioned askewedness.  Askewity?  Whatevs.

So, I chucked that idea.  Moving along to dinner preparations, Alex and I made calzones, and Alex asked his dad for his super secret super amazing pizza sauce recipe.  Okay, so it's not necessarily super secret, but it's the type of recipe that never gets written down with any measurements or proportions, so that essentially amounts to secret in my book.

And guess what?  The pizza sauce has mustard in it.  (We're coming back to "askew," I promise).  Now, I didn't make any attempt at this week's Mystery Ingredient Monday mustard challenge because I don't like mustard.  And, askewity.  So when I saw that the pizza sauce had mustard in it I was soooo excited.  Yes, I know it's not Monday.  But the link-up is still open, and as far as I'm concerned that is essentially an invitation for late submissions.

So, I present to you mustard, askew, and deliciousness, all in one evening.

Look how he's holding the mustard bottle all askew--I didn't even tell him to do that!

Mmm...mustard (not).  So, the ingredients for the amazing pizza sauce (posted with permission, I promise) are:

• 1 large can of crushed tomatoes
• 1 medium can of Italian stewed tomatoes
• 1 small can of Italian tomato paste
• basil
• oregano
• Italian seasoning
• Worcestershire sauce
• yellow mustard
• fennel seed
• chopped garlic
• onion flakes

You'll have to figure out proportions on your own, I'm afraid.  I was in the garden picking basil while Alex got his instructions.  Sorry!  All I know is if you skimp on the oregano it will be too sweet.  And don't be stingy with the Worcestershire sauce either.

Also askew: Crane men and their sipping of Worcestershire sauce.  He is seriously taking a swig, not just posing.  A skewed taste if ever I've seen one.  Gross.

The end product (with sauce ever so precariously askew):  calzone recipe from last year's birthday present of The Best-Ever Good of Bread , with personalized fillings (mine had pepperoni, Italian sausage, green and red peppers, onion, mushrooms, Italian cheese blend, and fresh basil, topped with a rosemary garlic spice mix... are you hungry yet?).  I was so proud of myself--the calzone recipe was in the bread machine section of my book, and it turned out great made by hand.  The conversion wasn't actually all that much of an accomplishment--you just need to come up with the order of ingredients and steps yourself, which is pretty standard across bread recipes.  I was thrilled with how it turned out.  The crust was very light and slightly crisp and had a delicious olive oil taste.  The pizza sauce was the perfect accompaniment (not gonna lie--I can't taste the mustard which is probably why I like it).

So there you have it, folks: link-up-mash-up-deliciousness.  Check out the other (timelier) uses of mustard at Jessica's and the rest of the Theme Thursday gang at Cari's!

Night Prayer

Parenting WIN: Michael starting out Night Prayer on his own with "Father, Son, Holy... Assistance" (close enough to "God, come to my assistance") and then whispering every fifth or sixth word of the Salve along with us as we sing.

Parenting FAIL: Me snorting as I try to hold back a laugh in the middle of Night Prayer whilst watching Michael go cross-eyed and puff out his cheeks like a blowfish in an attempt to blow his nose all by himself.  Man I wish I had a picture of that...

I fell in love with the Liturgy of the Hours the summer after my freshman year of college while on mission trip with FOCUS in Peru.  Okay, to be precise I fell in love with Night Prayer, because it was short and we prayed it in English.  We prayed Morning Prayer in Spanish and it felt about 12 times longer than it actually was.

Madrigal, in the Colca Canyon somewhere high above Arequipa, Peru

It wasn't until much more recently that I fell in love with Morning Prayer (in English).  But I prayed Night Prayer pretty faithfully all through college and beyond.  Alex loved it too, and somehow it was just a natural transition--I don't even really remember it as a conscious choice--to start praying it with Michael as part of his bedtime routine.  (It was probably a matter of us generally being too tired or forgetting if we waited until we were about to go to bed, and Michael's bedtime was a convenient compromise.)

It has been such a wonderful thing for our family.  There are certainly nights of "No pray! No pray!" and Michael singing and doing gymnastics or just whining through most of the prayer.  But there are also nights (like tonight) where he does his best to say the psalms and prayers along with us.  And I know that he's absorbing even more than we can see as he hears the same psalms and prayers night after night and week after week.

Praying Night Prayer together has been such a blessing to our family, along with our nightly rituals of storytime (we're finishing up The Hobbit... not sure where we're going to head next... suggestions?) and songs.  I can't wait until Liam's bedtime lines up with Michael's a little better.  Right now Liam goes to bed right about when we're all eating supper, so we haven't figured out a joint bedtime routine yet.  Soon!

What are your favorite bedtime rituals--from your parents, or with your own children?  I'd love to hear!